New York, you’re a dream.

AHHHHH so today is the anniversary of my blog!!! 💜

And what better way to celebrate than to publish a post after sooooo long (I know it’s been ages 😅)

To be honest, the latter part of 2017 was very overwhelming. When I found out I got into the school I auditioned for and that I was finally moving to my dream city BLEW MY MIND. I had to prepareee!!!! Oh and if you haven’t caught on yet….

IM IN NEW YORKKKK!!!!!!!!! I’m living the dream and I am loving it, REALLY.

Ok so back to what I was talking about… Moving wasn’t easy. (physically or mentally). First of all, packing was a killer. Idk how ya’ll do it. I’ve always had a hard time packing for vacation and so you can just imagine how difficult it was for me to pack for my move. And mind you, I had to carry all those bags… as in ME (and my mom helped too). So I ended up cursing myself in my mind – “Kc why did you bring those shoes you dont need them!!!” “Kc what is up with all these jackets!!!!” “Kc WHYYYYY” hahahaha. In the end though, I was triumphant. All my things fit into my very small space and to be honest, I’m loving the tiny house vibes. I love that I have all I need in this tiny space. I don’t need more. It’s comfy and homey (and tbh it’s great cause NY is COOOOLDDDD and I love coming home to my warm tiny space)

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This is one side of my room. My comfy bed and my stuffed animal friends!

I’m staying in Brooklyn Heights. It’s a beautiful neighborhood! The streets are gorgeous and this area is great! It’s near downtown Brooklyn and so there are many restaurants and stores and at the same time, it’s a train ride away from my school. So yay! Im living with one of my classmates, Luiza. She’s from Brazil and she’s lovely! We get along so well and I feel so lucky 😭

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If you guys don’t know, I’m currently attending a musical theatre conservatory program in NYFA (New York Film Academy). It runs until September unless I decide to take the second year and stay another year.

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So Orientation Week was AMAZING. We had all sorts of social events and insightful talks with the heads of our department. Our Creative Director is Kristy Cates! If you guys don’t know, she actually played Elphaba on Wicked for a while and she just finished Charlie and the Chocolate factory so that’s COOOL. For one of our social events, we went bowling in Times Square! I haven’t gone bowling in a while and so I wasn’t too great but I had fun nonetheless.

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Here’s a picture from the NYFA instagram! My friends Carly, Luiza (my roommate), Savanna and Kamilla say hellooo!

Our class consists of 9 girls from ALL OVER THE WORLD. Some from Brazil, Iceland, Colombia, Scotland, oh and Texas (hi carly 😂) Everyone here is SOOO talented. We all have different voices and skillsets and I think that’s what makes everything so fun and interesting. Literally, the first few days of class, we each had to sing a part of a song to give the teachers a feel of our voices. And I couldn’t but admire everyone in that room. We all have a similar dream and we’re all here to learn and work on ourselves. I think it’s beautiful seeing someone work hard to do what they love. We’re in this together and I love how supportive we’ve been from the start.

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Aside from my classmates, my teachers are CRAZY talented. Most of them if not all have been on Broadway. I’ve been researching on each one and their credentials are AMAZING. I feel so honored to even be in their presence. And you know what I love even more??? How passionately they talk about their craft. Oh my God. They love what they’re doing. You can tell by the way they talk about their certain subject on the very first day of class. There is so much passion in their faces and voices, it’s just so admiring. Some of them, haven’t had it easy but they still continued because they love what they do. (And can I just say…. my jazz teacher was in Chicago the movie!!! She was the one who said “He ran into my knife! He ran into my knife 10 times!!!!” hahaha she’s amazing and the sweetest really) Anyway, one thing one of my teachers told us is that he wants to teach us in such a way that he is teaching us to be teachers. He wants us to teach others and to spread this amazing love for the Performing Arts and Musical Theatre and there’s nothing I wanna do more. I wanna learn all I can and bring home everything I can so that I can do my part and share what I’ve learned and my passion with others and the world.

This week I had my first week of classes which was already INTENSE. If you wanna know what I mean… I have to learn 4 songs, watch 3 musicals and answer some worksheets by next week. The workload is insane. Everyday there’s a new song to learn, a new dance to choreograph, a new monologue to memorize. But I am not complaining. Sure, 9-6 classes get tiring. 3 hour voice class? Yeah, it gets crazy. Dance classes back to back? DAMN I AM SORE. BUT AHHHH I AM SO HAPPY. I am crying as I type this!!!! Everyday I get to wake up and do what I love. I have been wanting this for years and now I get to live it. I miss home more than ever but I can’t help but feel this is where I belong. I love what I do. I love it so much. And I can’t wait to see where this takes me.

New York, you’re a dream.

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Life Update on Leadiiinglady 🌸

Hi guys! Leadiiinglady here 💜

I know, I know. It’s been forever since I’ve written a blog post. Haven’t updated this site in almost 4 months WHEW. I apologize, especially to my followers, for being AWOL. I have been crazy busy since August and I’m still pretty busy now. And so you can imagine how surprised I was to check my blog and see that the interaction I’m still getting is INSANE and so THANK YOUUUUU to those who still check out my blog. It means so much!!!!!!!!

Okay, so back to the reason I’m writing this blog post – here’s a major update on my life: I’M MOVING TO NEW YORK ON DECEMBER 30. Yup. This girl is moving to the big apple in less than 2 months. (That’s pretty much the reason why I haven’t been active.) I’ve been fixing my plans, figuring out how to settle down over there, spending time with my loved ones and pretty much enjoying and savoring every bit of my tropical life here in the Philippines.

If you guys don’t know, I’m moving to New York to fulfill my life long dream of studying Musical Theatre. Since I was a little girl, this was my ultimate goal and now that it’s actually happening – I am very overwhelmed. I sometimes still cry just thinking about it. I can’t believe this dream of mine is coming true… it’s not even a dream anymore – it’s going to be my reality in 2 months!!!!!!!! And to make everything feel even more real – I LEGIT PAID DOWNPAYMENT FOR THE PLACE IM STAYING AT THERE!!!! AHHHHHH!!!

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Now you guys might be wondering – will “leadiiinglady” still exist in New York?

Well, the answer is YES. Although I’m going to be busy with 10-7 classes almost everyday, I will be sure to update this blog with more makeup posts, skincare reviews, fashion lookbooks PLUS an inside look at my crazy life in the city that never sleeps (I mean how can I not blog about this amazing experience I’m going to have??!!!) I know that it won’t always be easy but I’m looking forward to experiencing new things in a new country with people who share the same passion as I do.

At the end of the day, all I can say is that I feel blessed. Again, thank you so much for sticking by me and supporting my passions these past few months. It means soooo much. I wish you guys all the best and I can’t wait to share my New York life with you guys.

Til next time! 💜

leadiiinglady

Feel free to follow me on:

Personal IG: @leadiiinglady

Lookbook IG: @leadiiingladylookboook

Twitter: @leadiiinglady

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Leadiiinglady Travels: San Francisco 🌁

HI GUYS 🌸

Wow it’s been so long since I last posted 😦 To you guys who are still here checking out my blog posts, thank you so much. I’ve been really busy lately and things have come up here and there – and so it’s been difficult BUT no worries because I’m back and I will blogging a lot again for SURE 💜

This is another “Leadiiinglady Travels” post! This is part 1 of the 4 blog posts I’ll be writing about my USA trip. Tbh, it was amaziiing going back to my second home after a while plus I got news that I will be sharing with you guys very soon so stay tuned for that!

First up in this series, San Francisco! The first time I went to SF, I was about 7 and so I didn’t really remember much. But when I got here, I fell in love with the city INSTANTLY. It’s just so beautiful and picturesque. I could live here, I swear.

Anyway, my friend, Sam offered to show me and my friend, Melisse around the city since she literally goes here every year. Tbh, she was the BEST GUIDE EVER. We got to fit all of this in just ONE DAY. And it’s a lot! And so I’m soooo grateful. 💜

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The streets, the lights, the sites (plus the shops hehe), everything about SF – I loved and so I am proud to share with you some of the wonderful things you could enjoy if you happen to visit this wonderful city! 💛

SITES & ATTRACTIONS

The city is full of beautiful sites – from bridges to streets to buildings to walls. I’m telling you – you’ll want to stop at every corner to take an ootd shot with all the pretty walls.

Golden Gate Bridge

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Of course, first up on my list is Golden Gate bridge – you know, the famous bridge that always gets destroyed in movies. Anyway, this bridge is absolutely magnificent (and costs a LOT to maintain and repaint every year). This site is always pretty high on list of the must-see attractions in SF. I mean, it’s what they’re really famous for.

If you wanna take NICE pictures with the bridge, go to the Visitor’s center! They have a great viewing deck! Plus, it wasn’t crowded at all when I went!

PIER 39

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If you’re going to visit a PIER, visit PIER 39!!! PIER 39 is filled with restaurants, shops and lots of entertainment. There’s just so much to see. You can go shopping for jewelry to clothes to pasalubong! And it also has such a great view of the bay (perfect for those ‘tourist’ shots 😉)

BE WARNED THOUGH – this is a tourist area and so it’s pretty pricey here.

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From this area, I also got to see the famous Alcatraz Prison from afar. I wasn’t able to go on a tour but I know you can take boats from the pier to visit the prison.

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This pier is also home to SEALS. I LOVE SEALS. Yeah, they’re pretty lazy and don’t move around much but they’re just so cute and fat and loveable. I WANNA SQUEEZE THEMMMM. Anyway, they’re kinda far away but if you look closely you’ll see them in the picture. (They’re lying down on one of the wooden platforms!!!)

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LOMBARD STREET

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Here is a photo taken from the bottom. Lombard street is one of the steepest streets here. And so to ensure that no accidents will happen, they made the road like a zigzag so that cars will be forced to slow down. It’s a famous attraction because no one sees roads like this. They’re not common. And so I guess they officially made it a tourist site and added flowers and stairs on the sides so that people can check out and take pictures with the famous crooked road.

Here is a photo taken from the top of the street.

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CASTRO District

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So my friend, Sam, calls this the gay district and I can understand why. Everything here is pretty much rainbow colored and I LOVE IT. There are pride flags everywhere, the walls are painted different colors, even their pedestrian lanes are colorful!!!

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Aside from all the colors, this is also called the gay district because of what’s here. There are gay bars everywhere as well as apparel stores for drag costumes and makeup. I bought these really cool lashes from one store and omg I can’t wait to show them to you guys. Safe to say, I absolutely loved it here.

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UNION SQUARE

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If you guys wanna shop til you drop then go to Union Square. Here, there are sooo many shops – Macy’s (which pretty much has everything), H&M, Marshalls, Forever 21 etc etc etc. You won’t miss it because of this tall statue of a dude with a trident.

(look at that dude hiding from my camera hahahah)

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GHIRARDELLI SQUARE

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If you LOVE chocolate, go here! You won’t regret it. Apparently Ghirardelli is from San Francisco??? I didn’t know. Anyway, this place is filled with chocolate and their ice cream and milkshakes at their cafe are to DIE FOR. They look sooo yummy and are decorated perfectly! It’s a bit pricey but I think it’s worth it for sure.

FOOD

So, I’m not really a ‘foodie’ but I got to try a lot of good food in San Francisco and it has converted me completely. I am not adventurous at all when it comes to food which is kinda hard cause my boyfriend is (hahaha hi Boo) But when I got to SF, for some reason I decided to give it a shot and I’m really glad I did.

CLAM CHOWDER

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Sorry for the empty bowl HAHAHA I forgot to take a picture before eating it. THAT’S HOW GOOD IT WAS!!! And guess what?? This was my FIRST TIME EVER to try clam chowder and now I’m asking myself why I’ve never tried it before.

I got this Clam Chowder from Chowder’s. Sam said it’s really good here because it isn’t too clamy and not too ‘liquid-y’. It’s perfect. (ESP WITH THAT SOUR DOUGH BREAD) And she was right! (Plus it’s really affordable too!!!)

BEIGNETS

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This is another one I’ve never tried. It’s a powdered pastry similar to a kind of bread but very thin and light with nothing inside. Funny right? BUT SO GOOD. It’s not too sweet, it’s just right. It does get a bit messy because of the powder but I think it makes it even more fun to eat. I got this from the Franciscan Crab Restaurant along the pier.

FORTUNE COOKIES

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Okay, so I have ALWAYS loved fortune cookies. It’s my favorite part of any Chinese restaurant. Whenever I’d go to a Chinese restaurant in the States, I would always make sure to get a fortune cookie and whatever fortune I found inside, I’d keep. And so you can just imagine how excited I was when actually got to see them being made. This lady here, it looked like making them was so easy for her. She just picked them up and put the fortune in and shaped them. And how cool is that machine???

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COOKIE

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This has got to be my favorite food stop. HOT COOKIEEE!!! They’re known for really yummy cookies and some, well, are a bit… erotic. Since this is kind of a once in a lifetime thing, I decided to be a little out there – I got a cookie shaped like a penis HAHAHAHA (my mom freaked out when she saw it btw) and guess what? I even got whipped cream on the tip! HAHAHA

All jokes aside, the cookie was really good. I can tell why this place is so popular – I mean, look at that wall.

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I have no regrets coming to this place – none at all.

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

SF is filled with art like colorful walls and buildings to great entertainment like old-fashioned arcades. Again, this city is so picturesque and so don’t be surprised if your memory card gets full in just one day.

MUSÉÉ MÉCANIQUE

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This is one of the coolest places EVER. This is an arcade place filled with really old arcade games that you can still play with today. It’s amazing how they were taken care of and maintained. There are so many different ones. Some give predictions based on palm reading, some measure how ‘lovely’ you are, some are old puppet shows, some are even old dolls talking to you and making jokes (really scary but cool).

I wanted to try EVERYTHING in this arcade. Sadly, I didn’t have enough change. There are machines though to turn your 1, 5 and 10 dollar bills into quarters!

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I even got to try the arm wrestling machine Julie Andrews played in Princess Diaries 1!!! IDK HOW SHE BEAT IT THOUGH. I lost, it was so hard 😦 hahaha

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WALL & BUILDING ART

Like I said SF is filled with colorful walls. You’ll stop at every corner to take a picture – I did. And so go for it!!! It’s a great way to up your IG game! Plus it’s a great way to showcase the work of these unknown artists.

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The two photos above were taken in the Castro District. Look at that art! You can’t just pass by it and not take a picture. Plus they have the hashtags on the wall to credit the artist!

Aside from the artsy walls, there are also buildings with amazing art as you can see below.

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It’s not uncommon to find beautiful sites like these in San Francisco and so take the time to appreciate the art all around you.

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And so there you have it! My day in SF (Yes, I did this all in one day, it’s possible hahaha) Kudos to my amazing tour gu

ide/great friend, Sam Realica and of course my good friend, Melisse Yutuc for making this whole day full of fun and adventure 💜

Stay tuned for more blog posts on my USA 2017 trip coming soon ☺️

If you haven’t already, feel free to follow me on:

Instagram: @leadiiinglady

@leadiiingladylookboook (my new lookbook page)

Twitter: @leadiiinglady

Til the next post!

 DISCLAIMER: All pictures are mine! And of course, these are just my personal opinions! SF isn’t limited to just these, there is so much more to see here!

Embracing your Beauty Marks; Appreciating Oneself More

I’ve been meaning to post this for a while but it’s been difficult for me to finish it. This is due to many reasons: One, I didn’t know how to write this (I kept thinking, what do I say first? Should I be open about everything? What am I trying to say here?) but soon I decided to not think about those things and just let my thoughts flow and my hands, write. Two, I was hesitant to post this (What’s the point when no one will listen? Will my voice even be heard? Is this post just a rant for me? A way to let things out?) No, I decided to post this for those who may be going through the same thing as I am. And three, I kept asking myself, will this make a difference? (at the end of the day, am I doing good?) Even after I’ve posted this, I’m still asking myself that question but hopefully soon, I’ll know the answer.

Before we get to it, I am warning you guys that this post is quite long. It’s all words and so it might be difficult to get through but hopefully, if you choose to continue reading, you’ll get more out of it than just plain words on a blog post. This is something very personal. I’ve poured my whole heart and soul into each and every word and as a result unmasked my insecurities and fears. It was hard but I’m just hoping that all of this, in the end, will be worth it.

Okay, here we go.

***

To you who might be reading this,

Let me just start by saying, “no one’s perfect”. As cliché as that statement is, it is true. No one is perfect. But there are people who wish they were, who twist their minds into thinking perfection is the aim, who believe that they can only be happy once they have it – and if I am being completely honest here, I used to be one of them. I’d look at myself, with such hate and disgust because what I saw in the mirror wasn’t perfection but the exact opposite. And so what did I do? I pretended. I tried so hard to trick myself into thinking, ‘my life is perfect’… I’m not gonna lie. I’m about as insecure as it gets. Even about the littlest things. And what would I do about them? Face them? Accept them? god no. I was a coward. I hid them. I denied them. I acted like they didn’t exist. And everything seemed to be going fine until one day, it finally hit me. Because ‘pretending’, I realized, can only get you so far. Recently, I had a breakdown, a big one. I just couldn’t keep everything under control. The imperfections were slowly showing. My insecurities were creeping up. And I broke. I don’t know, maybe it was my anxiety, maybe I was finally tired of wearing a facade.

But that’s when I said, no. I don’t want to be that person anymore.

I don’t want to be insecure my whole life. I don’t want to be afraid of imperfection. I don’t want my insecurities and imperfections to make me weak. No. I want to embrace them. I want them to make me strong. I want to stand by them and be able to shout, “Yes! That’s me!” I guess that’s one reason why I made this blog in the first place. Do I have perfect skin? No. Do I have a perfect body? No. Do I have a perfect life? Hell no. Then why write about it and share it with the world? Because it is still MY skin, MY body, MY life and God knows I should be proud of all of that. And so with this blog, I want to inspire those who feel that they’re not good enough to post pictures or write about their passions or everyday lives. So what if you don’t have enough cash to travel every weekend to post about it? So what if you’re not the most popular girl on the block? So what if you don’t have flawless skin or a sexy body? So what? I mean, ask yourself “would having all that make you a better person?”

Okay, first thing’s first, let’s delve deeper into the topic of being “physically attractive”. Do you have those days when you just wish God could’ve given you better skin? Yeah? Well, same, I’ve been there. There were times when I’d wake up in the morning and spend ten minutes staring in the mirror, ready to burst into tears. Perfect skin? What’s that??? Nope, don’t have it. Not even close. Never. I have far from perfect skin and to be honest, I don’t even remember how much money I’ve spent on treatments and products to end my problems with acne, dark spots and all of that. Did you know that I used to not want to leave my house if I didn’t have at least some makeup on? Yeah, that bad. I hid my blemishes and my scars and it was so obvious that I was trying so hard to do so. Cause the truth is, you can’t just cover them up and pretend they’re not there. Cause they are. You see it and other people see it. No matter how much foundation or concealer you have on. I learned that the hard way. My parents used to tell me, “Why don’t you stop wearing makeup and just let your skin breathe?” You know what I said? “No, it’s fine. I don’t want people to see all my blemishes and marks”. And guess what? That just made the whole problem worse. I realized it when it was too late. And now I have a lot more scars and dark spots. All because I chose to be stubborn. I couldn’t help it. I was embarrassed. But now I choose not to see them as something negative anymore. I choose to see them as beauty marks. Because they make me, me. I choose now to accept them and consider them as reminders of what I went through when I was younger and that I got through it. Today, some followers message me, “how do I get rid of my acne?” or “how do I lighten my scars” or “how do I make my skin look better?” And I always tell them that I don’t know the answer cause I haven’t figured it out yet. But what do I do? I choose to take care of my skin. I choose to love my skin. Although my face isn’t ‘flawless’, I feel good because I know that I am taking good care of my skin – and that makes me happy. 

“Okay, how about your body, KC? I mean, you don’t have a right to feel bad, you’re not fat.” Yeah, I’m not on the heavy side – not even close. But do those comments make me feel better about myself? No. Growing up, I’ve always been conscious of my weight. Because I had a hard time gaining. I am underweight – I feel scrawny – I look ‘too thin’. People used to give me comments like “Omg KC, you’re so skinny!” and “Oh do your boobs even exist???” And as much as I laughed at those statements, they did sting. Because my body wasn’t something I was proud of. Aside from my weight, I was conscious about other parts of my body, such as my back. When I was younger, I used to get really bad rashes and I scratched them a lot which led to me growing up with dark marks all over. This sucked big time. I would look at other girls in backless swimsuits with flawless bodies and think, “Why couldn’t I have looked like that?”. Tbh, it took me so long to actually feel confident in a swimsuit – so long (and today, I’m still not even 100% confident). I used to try so hard to cover myself up, to dodge people’s comments/reactions, to not care. But that didn’t change anything.

All these imperfections have been plaguing me my whole life that it came to a point when I felt hopeless, helpless and most of all, ugly. I felt so f*cking ugly. I’d wake up feeling terrible about myself and that eventually led me to completely stop caring about myself. Really. There was a time when I didn’t care about how I looked, I didn’t care about how I dressed, I didn’t care about myself at all.

And that’s when my anxiety started kicking in. I got conscious about the littlest things. I felt insecure all the time to the point that I would push loved ones away because I would take out all my anger and frustrations out on them. Soon, I was also ‘mentally imperfect’. I no longer had this positive radiance that KC Kane used to have. No. I was empty inside. I remember breaking down countless times in the middle of the night. I remember pulling my hair and punching walls out of frustration, anger and sadness. I remember asking myself, “Kc, why couldn’t you have been better?” Bottom line: I was a mess.

Until I finally looked in the mirror and saw a sad girl wasting her whole damn life.

I’ll admit, my life is not perfect. Yet I can’t deny that there are so many things that are great about it: I come from a family who loves me and shows it every single day, I have a home – a room to call my own, I was able to go to school and graduate college, I have a boyfriend who makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world and I have true friends who support me and cheer me on even on the shittiest of days.

It got me thinking, how could I let all of them down like that?

But most of all, how could I let myself down like that?

And so, this is for all of you who are going through the same thing right now, struggling in this difficult world trying so hard to hide your imperfections and insecurities: Embrace yourself. Cherish yourself. Love yourself. No one is perfect. No one is supposed to be.

Here are some things I learned going through all of that that I’d like for all of you to keep in mind:

One, don’t let social media rule your life. Social media tends to corrupt our minds into thinking, “Wow look at her Instagram feed! Her life must be perfect!” or “He has such nice skin, what could possibly go wrong with his life?”. The truth is, everyone struggles with their own demons every single day, no matter how happy their tweets are or how beautiful their Instagram feed is. Don’t let social media be the judge of how you see people but most of all, don’t let it be the judge of how you see yourself.

Two, haters gotta hate. Enjoying life but haters got you down? Tbh, there will always be haters. Someone once told me, “When you have haters, that’s a sign you’re doing great in life. They’re just hating on you cause they’re jealous.” And that has always stuck to me. Haters will always be there – even in people who you call “friends”. There will always be a tweet, a facebook post, an instagram story bashing you and your happiness. And so, here’s a bit of advice on how to deal with them, don’t stoop down to their level and bash them back. Instead, thank them. You know why? Because at the end of the day, they make you strive to become a better person. They’re hating on all the good you’re doing with your life – Good. Do more. When they bash you and hate on you, use that to be better. Use that to fuel you. And in the end, they will no longer be your haters but reminders of what you’ve overcome and how much of a stronger and better person you are now – because of them. Ironic isn’t it? Just like your insecurities, don’t let them control you. Succumbing to your haters and your insecurities gives them the power to measure your worth and honestly who are they to say how much you’re worth? You are the one in charge. You’re the one who calls the shots. You write your own story. Just you and you alone.

Three, at the end of the day always choose to love yourself and appreciate yourself as a person. That’s a beautiful word, “appreciate”. Perfection isn’t the goal. Appreciation is. Living isn’t easy. Sometimes it gets so f*cking hard. But you know what? You’re still here. And that means something. That is being brave. You just don’t give yourself enough credit for it. Appreciate yourself, please. You’ve come so far and many of you, just like me, are only getting started. We all have one life to live. It’s time to make the most out of it.

Someone once told me to “Rise & Shine: Rise above everything that brings you down and let the best parts of you shine.” Here’s to hoping after reading this, you continue to shine bright! Because you are a beautiful human being.

Tbh, it feels good to have had said all that after everything I’ve gone through. This post is going to serve as my reminder that I am choosing to embrace myself: imperfections, insecurities and all. This will be my reminder that I have changed my way of thinking and the way I look at myself and that I am not going to look bad and treat myself as I had before.

As I am ending this, I have to admit that the road I’m on won’t be easy. I haven’t figured it all out yet. I’m still not as confident as I want to be and I still don’t appreciate myself as much as I should but I know, in time, I’ll get there.

And so will you.

Til the next post ✨

leadiiinglady xx